Feedback. A Tough Pill To Swallow.

Not all feedback you receive from your writing will be nice, good, or even pleasant to read. When you start showing people your work - something you've put your heart and soul into - you are inviting feedback.

Feedback is a gold mine for writers. We need it to get better, improve and continue pushing ourselves to new heights in our craft.

But, Feedback can cause a lot of pain as well. Completely normal for you to feel your blood boil and all your senses be taken over with anger. We've all been there.

Learning to accept negative feedback - we all know you love the positive stuff - is an essential skill for writers. Not only do we get it a lot - from editors, publishers and the like, but friends and family who have never written a book also love to give in depth feedback about your techniques and overall writing style. And this unwanted advice can send any writer into a rage.

After spending years on this book and using your tears as ink, how dare your Aunty tell you the book is no good because you used too many 'and's. She should try write a book without using and! Oh, now she's telling you how she would write your book better, wouldn't you like to see her try.

We can do a few things to ensure we don't cause anyone physical or emotional harm after they've given us feedback we value so much and will definitely implement into our work in the future:

1) Take a deep breath. They are not insulting you. They are not talking about you. They whole heartedly believe what they are doing is in your works best interests. Unlike you, they see you as a person and your work as two separate things. Remember, you wouldn't be attempting a career in writing without grandiose beliefs and you probably inherited it from them. Thank them for their genetics and tell them to write all their feedback down so you can go over it later when you have time. Then burn that piece of paper.

2) Remember this person is a reader. Even if it is your annoying cousin who you know would never buy or promote your book. Even if they are telling you how much you suck in front of your entire family. Look, you could hit them and then spend your time in jail writing another book - but that would limit your promotions and there would be no way you could do book signings - and we all want to do a book signing. Think about the book signing and breathe. Check out tip no. 1

3) Sometimes, feedback is actually helpful. Some feedback is hard to swallow because we don't know how to add it into our work. When this occurs - usually from an editor, instructor or someone we trust in the industry - we can usually ask for clarification on the feedback and ask if they have any examples of how they would implement this into the work. Just be careful, all writing is subjective and all feedback should be about enhancing your author voice, not changing it.

4) Remember everything is subjective. There will be people out there who love your terrible writing and hate your artistic play on words - and the opposite of course. Make sure the feedback is coming from someone you trust, someone who understands what you are trying to do and will help you to enhance your skills.

When I first started writing, I loved ignoring everyone's feedback. I knew what I was doing and they didn't. Once I actually started wanting to get work and improve my writing, I would ask everyone for feedback - occasionally asking them to write it down and burning the piece of paper, but most of the time it was really helpful. Everyone is a reader and everyone who reads your work is part of your audience, whether you love them or hate them.

Happy writing! And have a spa day if you need one.