How I Wrote Michelle: The Author's Mental Health Journey

Michelle is a complex character. She grew up as a fun loving, larger than life gal who wouldn’t let anything get in her way. But once Covid hit her, she struggled to bounce back and spent a lot of time bedridden. 

No medical profession could figure out how to help or what she needed to thrive. She was on her own and she felt it.

In my own life, I have experienced similar situations to Michelle. 

And I think, as women, we are all familiar with leaving a doctor’s office without answers. No cure, no explanation, no support. 

When I was 18, I began to have bouts of really low energy. I couldn’t figure why all my friends were heading out at 12am to go dancing while I was asleep by 6pm. 

My energy levels dropped for weeks or even months at a time. I would sleep at least 12hrs, lose interest in seeing friends, I stopped exercising and I couldn’t drive. I just couldn’t concentrate and the thought of it was overwhelming. 

But it didn’t last forever. 

I would wake up and suddenly be full of energy. I’d have so much energy I would take myself for a run - and I hate running.

Cured. 

At the age of 19, the same thing happened again. My energy levels dropped. I lived in sweatpants, left uni, left work and spent most of my time sleeping and watching TV.

Perhaps I had a small case of the flu. Perhaps I had worked out too hard the previous week. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. 

Then it would cure itself, like nothing happened. 

At 22, I had plans to travel. I worked three jobs and saved every penny. Then one day- no energy. I could barely get out of bed, swallowing food felt like a chore. Bedding felt heavy and the thought of getting dressed made me cry. I couldn’t work. And if I couldn’t work, I couldn’t afford to travel.

I’d had enough. 

I took myself off to the doctor who sent me for blood tests. They all came back normal. 

I went to a different doctor who sent me for the same blood tests. They all came back normal.

Ridiculous. 

So I took myself to a counselor. I described what was wrong and they told me I was anxious, what I was feeling was normal for women. 

Yeah right.

I moved on to different remedies and saw a naturopath. Again, no answers

I didn’t know what to do. I was at a complete loss. 

I was 22yrs old and had no energy to go out with friends. I couldn’t go to bars or clubs, I was getting in trouble at work for being so slow, I was taking a lot of sick days, and I had no energy to focus on anything anyone was saying. All I had the energy for was sleep. 

Then, it cured itself. But I had to accept it would come back. 

I didn’t know what was wrong. And no one could help me. I felt completely on my own and terrified. 

When I did physical activity, I would feel a little tired and panic that I might be losing my energy again. If I slept longer than usual, I would panic. I didn’t know the triggers or the cures. 

Would I wake up feeling tired, or could I lose energy while on the bus? I had no answers. 

I now have answers and strategies - but I had to figure them out on my own. 

I know this is a common experience for women and feeling like the systems set up to help, don’t actually help at all. 

I wanted this to be represented with Michelle. They way community is so important, because the systems in place are not always there to help. 

Just like me, Michelle gets unexplained loss of energy that can happen at any time. She feels the way I felt, and experiences the same fear, exhaustion, disappointment and even joy that I have experienced throughout my life.