A Scene I Love But Had To Delete

A three story white brick home sat in the middle of an immaculate street by the name of Arney Road. Arney Road sat away from the main roads in its own secluded patch of the wealthy suburb, Remuera. The three story brick homes sat side by side of each other. The gates stood like large guards warning others away. Behind these gates were manicured green lawns, fountains with naked men standing in the middle with water spouting out of their penis’. The lawns were untouched and the only people that walked on them were the gardeners that kept them manicured. Children did not run out and play, teenagers did not sit in the sun, adults did not have drinks on the lawn. The residents were like prisoners in their own home. 

Two boys of the age 14 and 15, both with brown curly hair and cheeky smiles, were gathering rocks from their driveway. The rocks had come loose from the stone wall and no one was coming to glue these loose rocks back on until the morning. The only difference between these two boys was their size. One boy was the size you’d expect to be at 15, just shy of 170cm, the 14yr old was a head shorter, he was still waiting for his growth spurt to kick in. The boys had a rock each. They walked out into the middle of the road and placed them carefully down where they suspected car tires would drive over. There were no white lines on the road to signal to the drivers of cars where to drive but these boys had been watching the cars drive by for many days now as it was summer holidays and they were pretty sure of their positioning. The 14yr old sat outside the house while his older brother ran inside to get the two of them a bottle of beer each from their fathers unlocked alcohol cupboard. The two boys sat outside drinking for almost 3 hours before a car drove by and the car drove on the other side of the road to the rocks.

The boys gave up and went inside to watch Netflix in their theater room.

Two different young boys sedately walked along the path past the rocks lying on the road. The boys were 7yr old twins, holding their nanny’s hands as they recited the eight times table. The boys looked considerably tanned standing next to their pale white nanny. The boys’ family had gone for a month-long holiday to Italy. They had left the nanny at home to look after the dog. 

At 3pm children of all ages sullenly emerged from their homes, cricket training was on at 4pm. The cricket fields were only a ten minute walk away but the children on Arney road were not known for being late. The children did not wave and converse with their neighbours, most parents were in competition with each other and the awkwardness of the kids reflected this like a mirror. The children merely exchanged polite glances and walked on with their heads down. All the homes on Arney road looked exactly the same - big, well kept and suffocatingly quiet. All except one. Children walked across the street to avoid this one house. This one house was big, just as big as all the others but the grass was overgrown, the garden furniture was rotting, the fountain was developing mold and it was far from quiet. Yips, howls and cries escaped this house which had recently obtained an obnoxious dog. No children ever emerged from this house and only occasionally would they see an angry old lady and a grumpy young woman emerge to be taken aback by the sunlight like they’d just been hit by an x-ray beam. Today no one emerged. 

The foyer of this home was built with beautiful mahogany wood, an end table sat with a big bunch of wilting flowers which were overdue for a replacement. The dust had formed on the windowsills which had not been touched for weeks. The stairs leading down into the basement were the only part of that room that looked used. The stairs were made from mahogany wood and led down into a bright open spaced basement. The basement was large and held a pool table, a bar, an 85 inch flat screen TV and a couch that had a permanent dent in one of the cushions.

I love this scene because it reminds me of those sweeping establishing shots they use in films. I love those shots. Especially the one in that last Harry Potter movie - that was so good!

I really love descriptions in books; I love to feel as though I am right there in the room with the character, feeling everything they feel. With this scene, I felt as though you were walking around the neighbourhood, taking in all the sights and sounds. You get a feel for where the main characters live and the environment they surround themselves with. I felt almost as if you were walking the streets and knocking on the door of the house, like a visitor. I continued the sweeping through the house as though the reader was walking through the door to go and meet their friend. 

I love this scene. I am very emotionally attached to this scene.

But the feedback I received was not love. Some people did enjoy reading it, but they were confused by all the characters. It was recommended if these characters were not going to be the main focus, it was better to cut it out. After lots and lots of feedback, I decided I would cut this scene and keep it just for me. 

What do you think? Was I right to cut this scene?

What was a recent scene you had a hard time cutting?