Self Doubt Diaries: The Editing Process

Writing a book is the catalyst for a lot of self-doubt. 

You might feel it as you write the first draft, you might question if your idea is good enough or your characters are compelling. 

But you pushed through, you made it, and you get to edit the heck out of your book.

My first read through of my manuscript made me cry. I hated every word I had written. The story was thin, the characters didn’t make sense and you could tell I rushed the process.

I first wrote my first draft in 2019. It was full of fun character dynamics, sneaky hints and a fully developed plot. 

Or so I thought. 

Upon re-reading my work, I realised I had written trash. 

The first three chapters were okay, but only because I spent most of the year stuck on those three and editing them well before writing the rest of the manuscript. 

The plot was thin, the characters all sounded the same, and my hints made me raise my eyebrows. 

I deleted everything and started again. I wrote a new outline with a new plot. The characters spoke differently and the hints were so… strange. 

I re-read it. 

My plot was thin, the characters sounded the same and it was all very on the nose. I didn’t know what to do. 

I loved this idea, I’d been working with these characters for years and I didn’t want to give them up. I gave myself a little break and went back to the manuscript with fresh eyes. I didn’t have much hope or much drive at this point.

But I was willing to do what I could. 

I decided a new genre might freshen things up. And I liked the idea of mystery - Agatha Christie was big in my household growing up so I thought I’d give the mystery genre a go. 

And I loved it. 

Every moment in the story had a hidden meaning. Every plot point was a diversion for something else. Everyone had a motive. And no one had a motive. 

Everything detail, every word was a plot point. 

I loved writing it and I loved reading it back. Only, it wasn’t a mystery. 

I had written something else entirely. My story was a commentary on society. Every character represented someone out there living their lives. But… They were so… juxtaposed with themselves. 

It took a long time to figure out I had written a literary women's fiction novel with a hint of psychological thriller. 

Once I’d gotten the genre down pat, I did a million edits myself. I sharpened the edges and made every character pop.

Then I sent my work to beta-readers. I couldn’t wait to hear how much they loved my story and all the nuances they picked up. I couldn’t for them to tell me how much they related to my characters and really felt every emotional scene.

But they didn’t.

They loved characters I thought they wouldn’t, they hated characters I thought they would love. They didn’t pick up on the hints (except one - shout out to Nicole!) 

Without those reality checks and nights crying over the feedback, my work would not be as smooth as it currently is. 

It’s hard to believe it could’ve been worse. But it’s true.

Once I turned my manuscript into a golden piece of perfection. I turned it into an editor. I felt like that was a lot of money to have someone tell me my skills are beyond this world and there was nothing more I needed to do. But, I felt I might as well check.

My editor did not think my skills were beyond this world, nor did she think my manuscript was perfection. Quite the opposite.

She was so lovely with her feedback and still made me feel like I did a good job but there was a lot to change. 

I removed most of the last third of the story. I removed one character entirely, and added more emotion into each scene. 

I couldn’t believe my emotional scenes weren’t emotional enough!

Except one, I was told to remove one scene because it was too heart breakingly sad. So I did. Well, I didn’t but I did make it less emotional. 

After all this fixing up, I am well aware my novel is not perfect. I am well aware not everyone will like it. But I am proud of it. And I know it’s ready for the market.